Finding God in our Feelings: Facing Anger & What lies beneath
14 & 15 May 2022
Scripture Text: Ephesians 4:26-29, James 1:19-22
(c) South Bay Community Church
Sermon Preamble
We continue our journey on the sermon series of "Finding God In Our Feelings." We are continuing together this journey toward mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health and wellness. In this journey towards wholeness, God transforms us into new creations in the likeness of Jesus. We are looking at ourselves to become more self-aware in ways we may not be accustomed or even want to. As is true with any growth, there are growing pains and challenges we face to get to where God is leading us. God is on this journey with us; we recognize God in the midst and find God in fresh and deeper ways as we unpack our feelings. God meets us right there, hears us, comforts us, and responds to whatever we may be feeling. In this message, we are going to look at the hard emotion of human anger and finding God through our feelings of anger.
The challenging emotions and feelings of anger from our broken world
We all get angry from time to time. Some of us have a low level of anger very close to the surface much of the time that can erupt when we have had enough. Anger is not just in such eruptions. Anger has many manifestations from mild to severe; some we may not even recognize as anger. These feelings that are actually expressions of anger include frustration, irritation, and being critical, sarcastic, aggressive, hostile, mad, furious, hateful, and resentful.
Anger as an emotion is neither good nor bad. Anger serves a purpose to tell us that something is wrong; it needs to be addressed and paid attention to.
Since we are not always comfortable with anger, anger can bubble up and take us by surprise. Anger is psycho-biological, meaning anger can be triggered by our body's flight, fight, or freeze response when we feel threatened or in danger. In the heat of anger, have you ever said or did something that did not seem like you? It can be embarrassing to think about it, but you may have even shocked those around you. Anger can transform our more civil and charming personalities into something more animal like from our facial expressions, vocal sounds, and adrenaline coursing through our veins.
Unbridled, uncontrolled, unchecked anger can be scary. It is an indicator that something needs to be addressed. Even mild anger, such as frustration and irritation, are warning signs telling us something. Human anger, whether it is expressed or repressed, can be damaging and dangerous to our relationships, to our bodies, to our mental, emotional and physical health, and to our very souls. God proposes a better way and invites us to seek God and the power of the Holy Spirit to let the warning lights of anger cause us to find God in our feelings.
Defining Anger
"And don't sin by letting anger control you. Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil" (Ephesians 4:26-29). "Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: you must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires" (James 1:19-21). Even modern psychology would agree with the wisdom of being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. No one wants to be controlled by anger. We certainly don't want to give the devil, the enemy, any footholds into our lives. However, we may find that we lose the battle with anger and its nuances more than we would like to admit.
A man was bragging about how he and his wife had promised they would never go to bed angry. When someone asked how he managed to do that, he added sheepishly that they hadn't been to sleep in three weeks! Anger can certainly get the best of us, even as a joke.
Righteous Anger
"Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires" (James 1:21). There is another type of anger that is not human anger. Emotions in themselves are not good or bad, the issue is what is done with those emotions. We were made in God's image, and God has emotions. One emotion God expresses is righteous anger, meaning God's response to sin and injustice is out of God's love for all his children and creation. In the Old Testament, there are about 365 references to God's anger; God's anger is a righteous responds toward evil. Likewise, in the New Testament, we see Jesus embodying righteous anger toward the Pharisees because of their lack of compassion and legalistic emphasis on rules. We saw Jesus' righteous anger in the temple when when he overturned the tables of those who turned temple courts into an unjust market place that excluded people.
Anger aligned with what makes God angry - evil in the world - is righteous anger. Another word we may use is indignation. A specific Greek word in the New Testament that refers to anger in response to injustice or evil is "Aganaktesis, mentioned 5 times. Righteous anger is hugely important, for it prompts us to respond to evil, inequality, and injustice as advocates. Righteous anger leads us to stand in the gap for the voiceless, the abused, the oppressed, and wherever injustice, systematic or otherwise, is present. Righteous anger propels us into right and constructive action.
Human Anger
Our focus in this message is on human anger. There are two Greek words in the New Testament (NT) for human anger. Both can lead us away from God and allow the enemy to get a foothold. Thumos is a reactive anger response, a turbulent commotion, a boiling agitation, or a sudden explosion that is rash, immediate, and impatient. Thumos appears 25 times in the NT. Orge is a longer-lasting attitude that is lingering in our hearts. Orge broods, replays the angering incident in our minds repeatedly, and often seeks revenge. Orge is the anger we can not seem to let go; one trigger can bring it all back, and we are angry all over again. In his sermon on the mount, Jesus described Orge anger in our hearts as no different than murder.
Invite the Holy Spirit's Help
Anger is a hugely complicated emotion, so if we are really serious, we will need help starting with heightened awareness and self-control. "But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control" (Galatians 5:22-23). The Holy Spirit comes in because self-control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. Since we are seeking spiritual, mental, and emotional growth in anger, we need the Holy Spirit to help us grow in every fruit.
The fruit is the expression of God's Spirit that Gods wants to produce in each one of us. We cannot force it, but we can allow the Spirit to do the work in us as we have occasions to rely on the Holy Spirit. As the fruit of the Spirit continues to bloom in us, our human anger continues to decrease. As we invite the Holy Spirit to work in our lives, we find God in our feelings of anger.
Name our Anger
We cannot be honest with God if we do not even know what we are feeling. Honesty with God related to anger can be particularly challenging. Anger may be something we are not used to admitting, especially if we were taught that anger is wrong or a sin. We may have learned to stuff feelings of anger. We may not even be aware that we are actually feeling anger. An article on African American men and mental health concluded that historically, they don't talk about feelings, and African American men have not had the opportunity to practice the breadth of words for their feelings. The article suggests using a feelings wheel to help give language, as well as insight, to one's feelings.
The words related to anger from low intensity irritation to full blown rage are anger responses that are telling us something. When left unchecked, they can lead us to behaviors that are not what God would want for us. If we are going to be in tune with our feelings to find God, we need to recognize and name that we are angry from mini-angers to full blown angers that we normally recognize.
Feelings that lie beneath the surface of anger
If we are going to find God in our feelings, we need to recognize anger in all its manifestations. We need to do some deep diving because the real feelings lie beneath the surface. Anger is only the tip of an ice berg. We want self-control and to respond appropriately with God's love and grace to provocations, irritations, and frustrations. For anger, there is something deeper that has been triggered. We need to meet God at the deeper point of desires and needs under the surface.
Metal health professionals say anger can be about any number of things. We want to be honest about the layers of feelings under the feeling of anger, so we can find God beneath the anger. While we may respond in anger, underneath we may actually be feeling overwhelmed, hurt, anxiety, guilt, helpless, jealous, insecure, frustrated disappointed, embarrassed, grief, alone, rejected, offended, sad, regret, pain, shame, or fear. For example, we are boiling angry because our kids stay out past curfew, but we may really be afraid for their safety. We are irritated, as a form of anger, because someone makes a suggestion about a project we are working on, but actually we may be feeling insecure. We respond with a sarcastic joke as a form of anger, when a loved one says they never get to see us; but underneath we may be feeling guilty because we are not giving them the time we really want to.
The scripture text tells us to be "slow to anger" (James 1:19). This is wisdom not to say or do anything we will later regret. Also, to be slow to anger is wisdom to slow down and ask why am I really angry. We can recognize and unpack why we are angry when we look at our feelings under the surface of the iceberg. It helps us really know what is going on beneath the surface so we can meet God, as well as one another in what he real issues are. From our examples, we can talk to our teen about our concerns for their safety. We can talk to God about our insecurities, and then consider how our coworker has made a good point. We can affirm that loved one we don't see often and that we miss them too, then make a date.
Becoming aware of our anger and what lies beneath allows us to address what is really going on and then move forward with the wisdom, power, and healing of the Holy Spirit in response to those feelings.
Finding God in our Feelings of Anger
If we go even deeper beneath the surface of anger, there is more. Author James Bryan Smith, in his book, The Good and Beautiful Life, makes the case that anger is really Unmet expectations/desires plus Fear. There is something we expected to happen or hope will happen, and that unmet desire leaves us with those other underneath feelings, discussed above - such as sad, hurt, insecure, alone- that can bubble up as anger. Authors Mark and Debra Laaser in one of their books propose that there are universal desires that are core to every person. Our desires and needs are being heard, being affirmed, being blessed, being chosen, being included, and feeling safe. When desires become unmet expectations those feelings that are under the water line can erupt into anger. The anger then results in conflict with one another and even conflict within ourselves.
Finding God is our feelings of anger involves naming that we are angry, and we are honest with God about it. We dive deeper and explore the feelings under the anger. The Holy Spirit can guide us and give clarity to what is going on inside. From there, we may talk to people in our lives about our feelings, perhaps resolve some conflict and move toward healing and reconciliation. We also need to look at the deeper desire where we can truly meet God in our feelings and that deepest point of need and desire. We talk to God, with raw honesty, about what desire has been unmet and has left us with all kinds of feelings.
We can do our best to strengthen our relationships. However, anger and the feelings underneath anger will bubble up because people will disappoint us and we will disappoint ourselves.
Even when we can name that we are angry with God, there is something deeper going on. What was the expectation and the unmet desire? Sometimes, what we are expecting is not what is best for us. It may not be God's timing for us. It may not be God's Will for us because God has something better even if we do not see it or feel it. This is the conversation we need to have with God in prayer, as we find God in our feelings.
As we seek God in our Feelings of Anger, Bring those feelings and unmet desires to Jesus
When we seek God in our feelings of anger, Jesus says: (1) let me (Jesus) take the anger and exchange it for my peace and the blessing of my unconditional love. (2) Let me comfort your sadness and grief as your refuge, your rock, and your heart's safe home. (3) Give me your feelings of frustrations and let me fill you with my grace. (4) Give me your feelings of loneliness and let me remind you that you will always belong to me and have a place in my family. (5) Give me your feelings of insecurity and jealousy, and let me affirm how precious and special you are to me. (6) Give me your feelings of of pain, disappointment, and hurt, and let me bind your wounds. Know that Jesus has chosen us, hears us, sees us, and understands us.
Jesus wants to meet all those deep desires that Jesus placed in us, because we were meant to be connected with Jesus. We will not truly be satisfied in our deepest being apart from Jesus. Despite our circumstances, or how things may appear, Jesus want to flood us with his peace, love, and joy unspeakable. So draw near to Jesus, and Jesus will draw near to you. Find Jesus in our feelings of anger, and with Jesus let us together watch that anger begin to dissolve.
Conclusion
Review the wisdom in Ephesians 4:26-29 and James 1:19-22, as we listen for what God is saying to each of us. We can grow into these wise words as we Invite the Spirit's Help, Name the Anger, Dive Deeper, and Seek God in the Feelings under Anger. We can exchange our anger for God's invitation to give us the desires of our hearts. We can draw near to God with all of our feelings, because God does not disappoint.
Applying Sermon Principles to Good Works
This is a reminder that we have a wonderful professional mental health team that is available to us, particularly during this Sermon Series on "Finding God in Our Feelings." Simply let the South Bay Community Church Office know you would like to connect with someone, and we can assist you with a match.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
The challenging emotions and feelings of anger from our broken world
Scripture Text: Ephesians 4:26-29, James 1:19-22
(c) South Bay Community Church
Sermon Preamble
We continue our journey on the sermon series of "Finding God In Our Feelings." We are continuing together this journey toward mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health and wellness. In this journey towards wholeness, God transforms us into new creations in the likeness of Jesus. We are looking at ourselves to become more self-aware in ways we may not be accustomed or even want to. As is true with any growth, there are growing pains and challenges we face to get to where God is leading us. God is on this journey with us; we recognize God in the midst and find God in fresh and deeper ways as we unpack our feelings. God meets us right there, hears us, comforts us, and responds to whatever we may be feeling. In this message, we are going to look at the hard emotion of human anger and finding God through our feelings of anger.
The challenging emotions and feelings of anger from our broken world
We all get angry from time to time. Some of us have a low level of anger very close to the surface much of the time that can erupt when we have had enough. Anger is not just in such eruptions. Anger has many manifestations from mild to severe; some we may not even recognize as anger. These feelings that are actually expressions of anger include frustration, irritation, and being critical, sarcastic, aggressive, hostile, mad, furious, hateful, and resentful.
Anger as an emotion is neither good nor bad. Anger serves a purpose to tell us that something is wrong; it needs to be addressed and paid attention to.
Since we are not always comfortable with anger, anger can bubble up and take us by surprise. Anger is psycho-biological, meaning anger can be triggered by our body's flight, fight, or freeze response when we feel threatened or in danger. In the heat of anger, have you ever said or did something that did not seem like you? It can be embarrassing to think about it, but you may have even shocked those around you. Anger can transform our more civil and charming personalities into something more animal like from our facial expressions, vocal sounds, and adrenaline coursing through our veins.
Unbridled, uncontrolled, unchecked anger can be scary. It is an indicator that something needs to be addressed. Even mild anger, such as frustration and irritation, are warning signs telling us something. Human anger, whether it is expressed or repressed, can be damaging and dangerous to our relationships, to our bodies, to our mental, emotional and physical health, and to our very souls. God proposes a better way and invites us to seek God and the power of the Holy Spirit to let the warning lights of anger cause us to find God in our feelings.
Defining Anger
"And don't sin by letting anger control you. Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil" (Ephesians 4:26-29). "Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: you must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires" (James 1:19-21). Even modern psychology would agree with the wisdom of being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. No one wants to be controlled by anger. We certainly don't want to give the devil, the enemy, any footholds into our lives. However, we may find that we lose the battle with anger and its nuances more than we would like to admit.
A man was bragging about how he and his wife had promised they would never go to bed angry. When someone asked how he managed to do that, he added sheepishly that they hadn't been to sleep in three weeks! Anger can certainly get the best of us, even as a joke.
Righteous Anger
"Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires" (James 1:21). There is another type of anger that is not human anger. Emotions in themselves are not good or bad, the issue is what is done with those emotions. We were made in God's image, and God has emotions. One emotion God expresses is righteous anger, meaning God's response to sin and injustice is out of God's love for all his children and creation. In the Old Testament, there are about 365 references to God's anger; God's anger is a righteous responds toward evil. Likewise, in the New Testament, we see Jesus embodying righteous anger toward the Pharisees because of their lack of compassion and legalistic emphasis on rules. We saw Jesus' righteous anger in the temple when when he overturned the tables of those who turned temple courts into an unjust market place that excluded people.
Anger aligned with what makes God angry - evil in the world - is righteous anger. Another word we may use is indignation. A specific Greek word in the New Testament that refers to anger in response to injustice or evil is "Aganaktesis, mentioned 5 times. Righteous anger is hugely important, for it prompts us to respond to evil, inequality, and injustice as advocates. Righteous anger leads us to stand in the gap for the voiceless, the abused, the oppressed, and wherever injustice, systematic or otherwise, is present. Righteous anger propels us into right and constructive action.
Human Anger
Our focus in this message is on human anger. There are two Greek words in the New Testament (NT) for human anger. Both can lead us away from God and allow the enemy to get a foothold. Thumos is a reactive anger response, a turbulent commotion, a boiling agitation, or a sudden explosion that is rash, immediate, and impatient. Thumos appears 25 times in the NT. Orge is a longer-lasting attitude that is lingering in our hearts. Orge broods, replays the angering incident in our minds repeatedly, and often seeks revenge. Orge is the anger we can not seem to let go; one trigger can bring it all back, and we are angry all over again. In his sermon on the mount, Jesus described Orge anger in our hearts as no different than murder.
Invite the Holy Spirit's Help
Anger is a hugely complicated emotion, so if we are really serious, we will need help starting with heightened awareness and self-control. "But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control" (Galatians 5:22-23). The Holy Spirit comes in because self-control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. Since we are seeking spiritual, mental, and emotional growth in anger, we need the Holy Spirit to help us grow in every fruit.
The fruit is the expression of God's Spirit that Gods wants to produce in each one of us. We cannot force it, but we can allow the Spirit to do the work in us as we have occasions to rely on the Holy Spirit. As the fruit of the Spirit continues to bloom in us, our human anger continues to decrease. As we invite the Holy Spirit to work in our lives, we find God in our feelings of anger.
Name our Anger
We cannot be honest with God if we do not even know what we are feeling. Honesty with God related to anger can be particularly challenging. Anger may be something we are not used to admitting, especially if we were taught that anger is wrong or a sin. We may have learned to stuff feelings of anger. We may not even be aware that we are actually feeling anger. An article on African American men and mental health concluded that historically, they don't talk about feelings, and African American men have not had the opportunity to practice the breadth of words for their feelings. The article suggests using a feelings wheel to help give language, as well as insight, to one's feelings.
The words related to anger from low intensity irritation to full blown rage are anger responses that are telling us something. When left unchecked, they can lead us to behaviors that are not what God would want for us. If we are going to be in tune with our feelings to find God, we need to recognize and name that we are angry from mini-angers to full blown angers that we normally recognize.
Feelings that lie beneath the surface of anger
If we are going to find God in our feelings, we need to recognize anger in all its manifestations. We need to do some deep diving because the real feelings lie beneath the surface. Anger is only the tip of an ice berg. We want self-control and to respond appropriately with God's love and grace to provocations, irritations, and frustrations. For anger, there is something deeper that has been triggered. We need to meet God at the deeper point of desires and needs under the surface.
Metal health professionals say anger can be about any number of things. We want to be honest about the layers of feelings under the feeling of anger, so we can find God beneath the anger. While we may respond in anger, underneath we may actually be feeling overwhelmed, hurt, anxiety, guilt, helpless, jealous, insecure, frustrated disappointed, embarrassed, grief, alone, rejected, offended, sad, regret, pain, shame, or fear. For example, we are boiling angry because our kids stay out past curfew, but we may really be afraid for their safety. We are irritated, as a form of anger, because someone makes a suggestion about a project we are working on, but actually we may be feeling insecure. We respond with a sarcastic joke as a form of anger, when a loved one says they never get to see us; but underneath we may be feeling guilty because we are not giving them the time we really want to.
The scripture text tells us to be "slow to anger" (James 1:19). This is wisdom not to say or do anything we will later regret. Also, to be slow to anger is wisdom to slow down and ask why am I really angry. We can recognize and unpack why we are angry when we look at our feelings under the surface of the iceberg. It helps us really know what is going on beneath the surface so we can meet God, as well as one another in what he real issues are. From our examples, we can talk to our teen about our concerns for their safety. We can talk to God about our insecurities, and then consider how our coworker has made a good point. We can affirm that loved one we don't see often and that we miss them too, then make a date.
Becoming aware of our anger and what lies beneath allows us to address what is really going on and then move forward with the wisdom, power, and healing of the Holy Spirit in response to those feelings.
Finding God in our Feelings of Anger
If we go even deeper beneath the surface of anger, there is more. Author James Bryan Smith, in his book, The Good and Beautiful Life, makes the case that anger is really Unmet expectations/desires plus Fear. There is something we expected to happen or hope will happen, and that unmet desire leaves us with those other underneath feelings, discussed above - such as sad, hurt, insecure, alone- that can bubble up as anger. Authors Mark and Debra Laaser in one of their books propose that there are universal desires that are core to every person. Our desires and needs are being heard, being affirmed, being blessed, being chosen, being included, and feeling safe. When desires become unmet expectations those feelings that are under the water line can erupt into anger. The anger then results in conflict with one another and even conflict within ourselves.
Finding God is our feelings of anger involves naming that we are angry, and we are honest with God about it. We dive deeper and explore the feelings under the anger. The Holy Spirit can guide us and give clarity to what is going on inside. From there, we may talk to people in our lives about our feelings, perhaps resolve some conflict and move toward healing and reconciliation. We also need to look at the deeper desire where we can truly meet God in our feelings and that deepest point of need and desire. We talk to God, with raw honesty, about what desire has been unmet and has left us with all kinds of feelings.
We can do our best to strengthen our relationships. However, anger and the feelings underneath anger will bubble up because people will disappoint us and we will disappoint ourselves.
Even when we can name that we are angry with God, there is something deeper going on. What was the expectation and the unmet desire? Sometimes, what we are expecting is not what is best for us. It may not be God's timing for us. It may not be God's Will for us because God has something better even if we do not see it or feel it. This is the conversation we need to have with God in prayer, as we find God in our feelings.
As we seek God in our Feelings of Anger, Bring those feelings and unmet desires to Jesus
When we seek God in our feelings of anger, Jesus says: (1) let me (Jesus) take the anger and exchange it for my peace and the blessing of my unconditional love. (2) Let me comfort your sadness and grief as your refuge, your rock, and your heart's safe home. (3) Give me your feelings of frustrations and let me fill you with my grace. (4) Give me your feelings of loneliness and let me remind you that you will always belong to me and have a place in my family. (5) Give me your feelings of insecurity and jealousy, and let me affirm how precious and special you are to me. (6) Give me your feelings of of pain, disappointment, and hurt, and let me bind your wounds. Know that Jesus has chosen us, hears us, sees us, and understands us.
Jesus wants to meet all those deep desires that Jesus placed in us, because we were meant to be connected with Jesus. We will not truly be satisfied in our deepest being apart from Jesus. Despite our circumstances, or how things may appear, Jesus want to flood us with his peace, love, and joy unspeakable. So draw near to Jesus, and Jesus will draw near to you. Find Jesus in our feelings of anger, and with Jesus let us together watch that anger begin to dissolve.
Conclusion
Review the wisdom in Ephesians 4:26-29 and James 1:19-22, as we listen for what God is saying to each of us. We can grow into these wise words as we Invite the Spirit's Help, Name the Anger, Dive Deeper, and Seek God in the Feelings under Anger. We can exchange our anger for God's invitation to give us the desires of our hearts. We can draw near to God with all of our feelings, because God does not disappoint.
Applying Sermon Principles to Good Works
This is a reminder that we have a wonderful professional mental health team that is available to us, particularly during this Sermon Series on "Finding God in Our Feelings." Simply let the South Bay Community Church Office know you would like to connect with someone, and we can assist you with a match.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
The challenging emotions and feelings of anger from our broken world
- When have you ever said or did something in the heat of anger that did not even seem like you, sound like you, or look like you? How did those around you react?
- How has human anger impacted your facial expressions, vocal sounds, your strength from adrenalin coursing through your veins?
- Whether the anger is expressed or repressed, how has human anger been damaging to your mental, emotional, physical health, your relationships, your bodies, or your very souls?
- In your experience of not being controlled by anger, what is the benefit of being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry?
- What are the essential elements of righteous anger as expressed and exhibited by God and Jesus? Why is this righteous anger important?
- What are the characteristics of the two types of human anger that are not righteous and can lead us away from God?
- As we invite the Holy Spirit to help us decrease being under the control of anger, what is the role of the fruit of the Spirit? How has the fruit of the Holy Spirit helped you in better controlling your anger?
- In what circumstances, if any, are you unaware that you are feeling anger? Why is it important to name and acknowledge our anger, even low intensity anger like irritation?
- In what circumstances have you or will you in the future slow down to ask why you are really angry?
- What expectation or desires especially resonate with you? Have any desires been unmet? When desires are unmet, why is it important to communicate with God to avoid further disappointment leading to more anger?
- As it relates to our feelings of anger and unmet desires, what underneath feelings do we take to Jesus. As we do so, what resonates with you about what Jesus provides to us in return?
Posted in Finding God In Our Feelings
Posted in feelings, emotions, angry, anger, Finding God, Jesus, Spirit, God, Ephesians, James, Deep, desire, Mental Health, Depression, anxiety, guilt, grief, iceberg, stress, overwhelmed, relationships
Posted in feelings, emotions, angry, anger, Finding God, Jesus, Spirit, God, Ephesians, James, Deep, desire, Mental Health, Depression, anxiety, guilt, grief, iceberg, stress, overwhelmed, relationships
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