Finding God In Our Feelings: Facing Grief (Expanded)

Finding God in Our Feelings: Facing Grief

Small Group Sermon Reflections (Expanded)

Sermon Text: 1 Samuel 1: 1-20
Sermon Preamble: Happy Mother’s Day, as we celebrate every woman today, whether you are a mother or are remembering your own mother. This day can be bittersweet and stir up a lot of memories and emotions. We can experience a myriad of feelings, including gratitude, loss, joy, pain, regret, and hope, even a co-mingling of feelings on this day. The New York Times recently headlined the following article: “America’s Mothers Are in Crisis: Is Anyone Listening to Them?”; other headlines have heralded similar themes. According to one study, almost 70% of mothers say that worry and stress have damaged their health. Even if you aren’t a mother raising children now, we can see the toil and have concerns for our friends, our daughters, our sisters, and our wives. Sometimes our feelings around being a mother or a woman are fanned by false narratives from an idealized image around motherhood that simply isn’t true. Being a mother is very hard work that comes with all kinds of struggles, trials, disappointments, and pain. It doesn’t always work out the way we want it to in the end. This message will unpack God’s Word around Facing Grief and Finding God. We face all kinds of grief in our daily lives, not just grief from the death of a loved one. Grief hurts, and it can last long. But God is there; God wants to comfort, lead, and guide us through “good grief.” Let’s go to God’s Word and explore the story of Hannah, one mother who faced grief  and found God in her feelings.

A Happy Ever After Story or a Journey of Good Grief?
Let’s look at 1 Samuel, chapter 1, verses 1-20. Initially, this may seem like a happy-ever- after story. Hannah, a godly woman, is dealing with infertility and a bully. She prays to God for a son and makes a vow. In due time, God answers her prayers with a little boy who grows up to be a prophet, a priest, and an important spokesperson for God. Hannah’s son, Samuel, appoints Saul, Israel’s first King, and David, their second King, who is the lineage to Jesus Christ. Neatly packaged as a happy ending story, we celebrate the story of God’s faithfulness and unfolding plan.

But God’s Word is alive with truths upon truths that God wants to share with us about God’s unique relationship with each of us. God’s Word is not meant to be simply a formula or recipe book. Like Hannah, we may have expressed our desires to God and made promises, and we have found that God does not always answer our prayers the way we want. There is more to learn as we go deeper into the account from Hannah’s story, especially as we consider her journey of Good Grief.

Hannah facing grief from infertility
Let’s rewind and look at Hannah’s story again without rushing to the happy ending. “Elkanah had two wives, Hannah and Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah did not” (1 Samuel 1:2). Hannah is experiencing deep grief and anguish. She is barren and her infertility is the source of great pain, suffering and sorrow. Not having children was the ultimate tragedy for married women in Biblical times, like being cursed by God. Having children, particularly sons, meant perpetuating the family name, economic security from children being part of the family workforce, and security and care in one’s old age. There was much pressure on women to have children. Hannah’s inability to have children was a deep source of pain, sorrow, and grief, as it can be for many women today.  

Hannah facing grief from being bullied
“On the days Elkanah presented his sacrifice, he would give portions of the meat to Peninnah and each of her children. But to Hannah he gave a double p;ortion because he loved her, and the Lord had closed her womb. So Peninnah would taunt Hannah and make fun of her because the Lord had kept her from having children. Year after year it was the same - Peninnah would taunt Hannah as they went to the Tabernacle. (1 Samuel 1: 4-7a). Peninnah, Elkanah’s second wife, tormented and bullied Hannah likely out of jealousy because the scripture says that Elkanah loved Hannah. Peninnah took every opportunity to rub Hannah’s infertility in her face; this wasn’t just a momentary season, but this lasted for years, and it was brutal.

Hannah’s emotional state of pain and suffering with deep grief
Let’s explore Hannah’s emotional state of pain and suffering; her grief was very deep. “Each time, Hannah would be reduced to tears and would not even eat” (1 Samuel 1:7b). Hannah is reduced to tears by Peninniah’s torture; she stops eating and has loss of appetite.

“‘Why are you crying, Hannah?’ Elkanah would ask. ‘Why aren’t you eating? Why be downhearted just because you have no children? You have me - isn’t that better than having ten sons?’” (1 Samuel 1:8). Hannah is downhearted.

“Hannah was in deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed to the Lord” (1 Samuel 1:10).
“And she made this vow: ‘O Lord of Heaven’s Armies, if you will look upon my sorrow and answer my prayer and give me a son” (1 Samuel 1:11a). “But I am very discouraged, and I was pouring out my heart to the Lord. Don’t think I am a wicked woman! For I have been praying out of great anguish and sorrow” (1 Samuel 1: 15b-16). Hannah states she is very discouraged; she pours her heart out to the Lord; she shares with Eli that she’s been praying out of great anguish and sorrow.

Grief from different types of losses
The first thing that comes to mind when we discuss grief is about loss from the death of someone. However, there are many types of loss, and many types of grief that we can experience without even knowing that we are grieving. If we are going to find God in our feelings of grief, we have to recognize that we are grieving and experiencing the pain of loss.
In addition to the loss of life, we can grieve the loss of a relationship, such as from a divorce, breakup, estrangement from unresolved conflict, or a shift in friendship.  The shift in friendship can happen when someone has moved away, or perhaps the season has shifted and the friendship is not quite the same. We feel the loss of the friendship, and we grieve, whether we are aware or not.

The loss of dreams is another place we might grieve. Any vision or idea, that we realize is not going to happen as we dreamed or as we had hoped, is a loss and we grieve.
There is also a functional loss, such as the loss of physical or mental ability. This often means the loss of independence and autonomy. For example, we experience feelings of grief when we are no longer able to drive or take care of ourselves like we used to. We experience grief as we watch ourselves or our loved ones age and new limitations become apparent. With loved ones, it is a loss for us. Whether we are aware of it or not, there is sadness and we grieve.

Material and tangible loss of an object or a place is another area of grief. A disaster or any type of loss of things or  places precious to us can cause us to grieve the loss.

There can also be role loss. The change from one role that formed part of our identity shifting to a new role can bring a sense of loss. For example, when someone retires from a role they have had for many years, even if they are happy and ready to retire, it can still bring the grief of loss.

Any transitions can elicit feelings of loss. These can include losing a job, changing careers, moving to a new place, and changes in the season of life, such as kids starting school, becoming an empty nester, or caring for parents. These can be joyous occasions, but they also prompt feelings of grief and loss.
 
There is also the collective and communal loss that we feel as a community. As a church family, we felt it in the transition of Pastor Bryan Murphy. We felt it in the aftermath of George Floyd’s murder. We felt it in the strange reality and loss of normalcy during the pandemic. Perhaps we did not name it as grief, but we have been and many still are grieving the impact of the pandemic on us.

What areas of grief resonate for you? Is there something that you are grieving now, and the Spirit is bringing it to your mind that you have never thought of before? Perhaps you are very aware of areas you are grieving right now. If we are going to meet God in our feelings of grief, and connect with God in a deeper way, we have to be aware that we are grieving. No area of grief is too small; God cares about all areas of grief.

Beyond grieving the death of a loved one, as we unpack the many mini-deaths and losses we experience, other areas of grief with sorrow and pain may be there. Naming the grief allows us to do what Hannah did:  find God in our grief. Whatever our grief may be, God is present to meet us in our grief.

Finding God in Good Grief
Hannah’s  husband, Elkanah, tries to console her. “‘Why are you crying, Hannah?’ Elkanah would ask. ‘Why aren’t you eating? Why be downhearted just because you have no children? You have me - isn’t that better than having ten sons?’” (1 Samuel 1:8). Have you, like Elkanah, ever tried to comfort someone who didn’t seem to respond to your efforts? In most cases, the person does appreciate the effort, but in those periods of deepest grief, they cannot respond because they have to go through their process. Sometimes all you can do is be there for them and with them.

In Hannah’s case, she goes to the tabernacle to talk to God about her feelings of grief. She takes her pain to God; she doesn’t avoid it, negate it, or stuff it. She engages in the same process as David, as we noted a few sermons ago. 1) Hannah acknowledges her feelings. 2) Hannah brought her real feelings to God. 3) Hannah trusts God will hear and respond to her. 4) Hannah sought and embraced God’s mercy. 5) Hannah accepted God’s invitation to draw near.

Hannah’s prayer
This is the only time in the Bible where silent prayer is explicitly mentioned. “Seeing her lips moving but hearing no sound…”(1 Samuel 1:13). This is a heart to heart prayer between Hannah and God. It is a prayer that is personal and intimate, vulnerable and authentic. She pours out her pain and makes a request to the Lord with a promise - a holy vow. “And she made this vow: O Lord of Heaven’s Armies, if you will look upon my sorrow and answer my prayer and give me a son, then I will give him back to you. He will be yours for this entire lifetime, and as a sign that he has been dedicated to the Lord, his hair will never be cut” (1 Samuel 1:11). His hair will never be cut is referring to the Nazarite vow of dedication and commitment to God for a lifetime. She was committing her son to serve God until he died! To ask for something that you are promising to give back to God is a promise people make often to God out of pain and desperation. It is called bargaining in the grief process.

Eli is a witness and prays a blessing over Hannah
Because Eli sees her praying inaudibly, Eli thinks she is drunk. She responds that she isn’t drunk, but she is pouring her heart out to God. Eli accepts this and prays a blessing over her. “‘In that case,’ Eli said, ‘go in peace!’ May the God of Israel grant the request you have asked of him’” (1 Samuel 1:17).

The change in Hannah finding God in her good grief
“‘Oh thank you sir!’ she exclaimed. Then she went back and began to eat again, and she was no longer sad.”(1 Samuel 1:18). Her appetite has returned. Her grief has been lifted. Like us, in this personal encounter between Hannah and God in the tabernacle, God responds when we are hurting. We come to God in our pain, casting our cares upon God.  Hannah released her burden and pain to God in that moment. Hannah drew closer to God and felt God’s love and presence in a way she never had before. Hannah experienced that peace that passes understanding as Paul writes in Philippians 4:7. Hannah knew in the depth of her grief that she was loved, God was good, and God could be trusted. Hannah dared to hope in what God would do in response to her prayer. She was encouraged, and her faith was strengthened. She found God in the midst of her feelings of grief. God was healing her broken heart. Hannah faced her grief and found God in a fresh way.
God planted a witness to seal the moment. It is significant that Eli was there. Eli will raise Samuel. God used Eli’s presence as an affirmation and confirmation for Hannah’s encounter with God. In years to come with moments of doubt, she would remember the words of Eli. When our loved ones are grieving, we can feel helpless standing by, but we can always be a witness, standing in the gap and upholding them with our own prayers of blessing.

The path of the journey through grief is a process that takes time
The path through grief looks like this. We start with death or loss, and we are flooded with all kinds of emotions. Then our journey takes us into the season of burial, and we often find ourselves feeling empty, quiet, vulnerable, lonely, with loss of energy or appetite. Then the journey can move toward Resurrection, where we can experience the healing of reorientation, taking risks, sorrowful acceptance, and new life.

Jesus, our shepherd, walks us through the valley of the shadow of death. God does not intend for us to walk this journey alone. God wants us to draw closer in our grief and experience God’s peace in our pain. We will catch glimpses of the joy of the new life ahead.
 
Resurrection and new life does not equate always with a fairytale happy ending. The time was coming to keep her vow to leave Samuel with Eli for service to the Lord. In her journey towards good grief, God was with her every step. Hannah drew closer to God, and she was able to say like Jesus, “not my will, but your will be done, Lord.”

Application of the Sermon Principles to Good Works
Each of us are invited to sit with God for a moment and allow the Spirit to soothe whatever area of pain the Spirit brings to mind, and allow God to do the work of Good Grief as we find God in our feelings. Like Hannah, engage in the process of Good Grief. Even with sorrowful acceptance of reality, our heart is filled with joy and praise because we serve a good and faithful God. We can find God in our feelings when we come to God and release to God our pain. We allow God to do the work of transformation in us, as God leads us through Good Grief to the new life of Resurrection ahead.


DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
Sermon Preamble
  • As you consider Mother’s Day this year, what are your feelings and emotions? Are any of those feelings on this Mother’s Day because you have experienced a loss? What losses, if any, have led to feelings of grief?

A Happy Ever After Story or a Journey of Good Grief?
  • How does the story of Hannah in 1 Samuel:1-20 initially seem like a happy-ever-happy story? 
  • What are some truths from a deeper reading of this scripture that God wants to share with us beyond a formula or recipe for a happy-ever-after journey?

Hannah facing grief from infertility
  • Polygamy, having more than one wife simultaneously, was not forbidden. What are some reasons why polygamy was bound to lead to domestic discord, especially where one was childless? What circumstances have you seen in today’s world that may not be formally polygamy, but still can lead to family discord?

Hannah facing grief from being bullied
  • Peninnah bullied and taunted Hannah, but Elkanah, the husband of both, gave Hannah a double portion. In what circumstances would you, like Elkanah, give a double portion?

Hannah’s emotional state of pain and suffering with deep grief
  • Are there any occasions when you did not recognize that you were in pain and suffering from deep grief? Hannah experienced tears and loss of appetite as symptoms of her pain and suffering with deep grief. What symptoms have helped you be aware that you are suffering from deep grief?

Grief from different types of losses
  • What areas of grief resonate for you?
  • Is there something that you are grieving now, and the Holy Spirit is bringing it to your mind that you have never thought of before?

Finding God in Good Grief
  • In what circumstances have you, like Elkanah, ever tried to comfort someone who did not seem to respond to your efforts?
  • On the other hand, have you not responded to the efforts of others when you are suffering in pain? Did you appreciate the effort? Why was your response limited or missing?

Hannah’s prayer
  • In what circumstances have you ever promised to give back to God in a holy vow?

Eli is a witness and prays a blessing over Hannah
  • When our loved ones are grieving, how can we be a witness, standing in the gap and upholding them with our own prayers of blessing?

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