Finding God in Our Feelings: Facing Shame (Lite)

Opening Prayer & Check-in
Listen Up: Feelings 
Scripture Texts: Genesis 38:1-8; 12-26
Sermon Preamble: Pastor Tammy set the tone for this message by capturing the essence of the video we watched, which is the need for each of us to be able to “feel our feelings and not lean on them”. She briefly shared that she is looking forward to summer and the hope of normalcy particularly as it relates to going to the movies and hopefully seeing a blockbuster that features heroes battling for good over evil. While noting her affinity for superheroes and how they confront darkness with courage for the greater good, she also shared that she loves the “regular guy” heroes as well, those who give of themselves and stand in the gap for someone else. She also noted that like the two types of heroes, we too must face the darkness we sometimes face in our own lives, and the good news is that we do not have to do this alone. For God desires to partner with us and the Holy Spirit as courageously, we enter into our darkness.

In describing the hero of this story, Pastor Tammy noted that Genesis 38 is filled with cultural nuances which as students of the Word, we would do well to study and understand. Understanding levirate marriage and the associated rules/laws help clarify the other characters in this narrative whose sin negatively impacts our hero.

Tamar’s Story

• A story featuring family drama, sex, murder, and prostitution! Yes, all of this is in the Bible
• Marries into a famous family whose patriarch with Abraham
• Marries two sons of Judah who both die!
• Exiled physically to her father’s home (boomerang kids were not the custom at that time…)

Tamar’s Shame

• Left alone by two husbands
• Uncared for by her father-in-law
• Regarded as cursed
• Whispered, talked about, and humiliated
• Uncertainty surrounding her future
• No say, without rights as a woman in her culture

Guilt versus Shame

• Guilt and shame are not the same
• Guilt is about behavior; guilt says I did something wrong
• Shame is about identity; shame says that I am wrong, and there is something wrong with me
• Guilt can lead us to ask for forgiveness, be reconciled, and repay the wrong
• Shame leads us to hide, keep secrets, and feel bad about ourselves
• Guilt and shame are often tied together because if we don’t address guilt, it can turn into shame
• We are ashamed of our behavior and then ashamed of ourselves
• Shame is a deeply concealed and dangerous emotion of inadequacy, personal disgrace, and the sense of not belonging
  
  

Voices of Shame

• You are…
  • Too bossy
  • Too strong
  • Too talkative
  • Too emotional, too sensitive
  • Too <fill in the blank>
• You will never be enough
  • You’re not good enough
  • You’re not smart enough
  • You’re not attractive enough
  • You’re not young enough
  • You’re not interesting enough
  • You’re not <fill in the blank> enough
    
    

Tamar Steps into the Light

• Shelah was not given to her as promised
• She devised a plan in keeping with the customs of that time
• She lived into her rightful destiny (in keeping with levirate law) to become the great grandmother roughly ten generations removed from Jesus
• Judah recognized and admitted his guilt
• Tamar was the first of only five women listed in the 14 generations from Abraham to Jesus
  
  

S.E.E. God: Stop Hiding and Share

• Acknowledge the feelings
• Bring the real feelings to God
• Stop hiding and share with another 

S.E.E. God: Exchange

• Exchange false narratives for God’s truth

S.E.E. God: Embrace the Light

• Walk in the light for He is in the light
• Isaiah 42:3

 
Closing Thoughts & Resources
There is no one-size-fits-all response to dealing with feelings and emotions and we realize this. As a church, we are committed to helping our members and our community deal with the challenges brought on by these and other mental health-related topics. With this in mind, please visit our website at https://www.sobcc.org/mental-wellness/ where we have a number of resources to assist in these areas.

In addition, as Pastor Tammy stated, she is and as a church family, we are very sensitive to the fact that these topics can be hard, and may trigger emotions and feelings for some of us. We want you to know that we have a wonderful support team in our church family including counselors, therapists, psychologists, spiritual directors, and mental health coaches who have graciously agreed to be available in various ways of support.  So if you feel you need to speak to someone, please reach out to your Deacon or Elder or, you can call the church office directly and someone can assist in connecting you with the proper resource.


DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

• Head 
  • Besides the obvious, why do you think out of the many sons of Jacob this story regarding Judah is highlighted? How might it apply to your life or the life of someone you know?
  • What does the behavior of Judah and his sons Er, and Onan tell us about the impact of generational sin? What changes do you need to make as a result of having come to understand these impacts?
  • What Is the Difference Between Guilt, Shame, and Regret? 
  • Have you ever been encompassed by the shadows of guilt and shame? Based on the definitions provided in this message, which would you say was most prevalent in your case? In the past, how have you dealt with guilt and shame?  
  • Did this message trigger for you any of the voices of shame that Pastor Tammy listed or ones where you need to fill in the blank? If yes, how will you respond? How can this group or the church at-large help here?
  • In Matthew 1, Tamar’s name is one of the few females listed in the genealogy of Jesus Christ. What do you think this indicates? Why do you think out of the many sons of Jacob this story regarding Judah is highlighted?
• Heart
  • While we do not like to talk about it, many of us are dealing with guilt and shame and we need to S.E.E. our way out from under the guilt and shame. Are there any dark shadows that you would like someone in this group, or a trained professional to work through with you?
  • How and when have you confused the experiences of guilt and shame? How has this confusion caused additional confusion about the help which God provides as called out in the bible?
  • What false narratives are you holding onto that you need help to erase the tape and replace with the word of God? How might books like “The Good and Beautiful God”, The Good and Beautiful Life” or, being in a Sojourner Group help you in this area?
  • What would it look like for you to embrace the grace and mercy of God in place of guilt and shame?
  • What would it look like if you were to stop hiding and step into the light with the issues that have been holding you back?
• Hands 

The bible tells us that if we confess our sins that He is faithful and just to forgive us (1 John 1:9) Subsequently, we are told that if we confess our sins, one to another, we are healed (James 5:16). Sit with these two passages of scripture in your prayer time and ask God to reveal to you the difference and the necessity of both of them and what He would have you do in response.
 

YOUTH & YOUNG ADULT

• Head 
  • Besides the obvious, why do you think out of the many sons of Jacob this story regarding Judah is highlighted? How might it apply to your life or the life of someone you know?
  • What does the behavior of Judah and his sons Er, and Onan tell us about the impact of generational sin? 
  • What Is the Difference Between Guilt, Shame, and Regret? 
  • Have you ever been encompassed by the shadows of guilt and shame? Based on the definitions provided in this message, which would you say was most prevalent in your case? In the past, how have you dealt with guilt and shame?  
  • Did this message trigger for you any of the voices of shame that Pastor Tammy listed or ones where you need to fill in the blank? If yes, how will you respond? How can this group or the church at-large help here?
  • In Matthew 1, Tamar’s name is one of the few females listed in the genealogy of Jesus Christ. What do you think this indicates? 
• Heart
  • Many of us are dealing with guilt and shame and we need to S.E.E. our way out from under the guilt and shame. Are there any dark shadows that you would like someone in this group, or a trained professional to work through with you?
  • How and when have you confused the experiences of guilt and shame? How has this confusion caused additional confusion about the help which God calls out in the bible?
  • What false narratives are you holding onto that you need help to erase the tape and replace with the word of God? 
  • What would it look like for you to embrace the grace and mercy of God in place of guilt and shame?
  • What would it look like if you were to stop hiding and step into the light with the issues that have been holding you back?
• Hands 

The bible tells us that if we confess our sins that He is faithful and just to forgive us (1 John 1:9) Subsequently, we are told that if we confess our sins, one to another, we are healed (James 5:16). Sit with these two passages of scripture in your prayer time and ask God to reveal to you the difference and the necessity of both of them and what He would have you do in response.

CHILDREN

• Head 
  • Parents, share with your children the difference between guilt and shame and how God wants us to respond
• Heart
  • Discuss with your children the voices of shame and assure them that they are enough.
• Hands
  • Share with your children the output from your Hands exercise and how it applies to them.